The fabric of my life has changed over my soon to be 70 years on this planet – different colors, different textures, different patterns in the weaving. I can look back and see how the mantle has gone from being quite a simple design to a more intricate pattern with fewer colors at the beginning turning into a richly colored tapestry as time wore on. In the last years, some threads have stretched to allow for more freedom of movement, less shape to the piece, and less binding. And most recently, some of the threads have frayed, allowing more light to pass through, more air, more exposure to the elements.
Most recently, I have had to snip away some of the threads. SNIP, as my sweet little kitty, Buster, declining in his 17th year had to be released from his cancer and pain; SNIP, retiring as an acupuncturist after 25 years; SNIP, as I went through the seemingly endless exercise of cleaning out my home of family heirlooms and precious mementoes. SNIP as my home of 14 years, refuge, temple of Nature’s finest denizens and holder of memorable life experiences was sold and passed along to a new family; SNIP, as last lunches and last suppers have been spent saying goodbye to good friends, old and new. SNIP, as each key from my key ring was removed – office, house, mailbox, friend’s home, and, yesterday, car key, leaving only the ring that held them onto another representative circle (see blog post 2/20/19); SNIP, yes, I handed over the key to my Honda Fit to its new owner and watched him drive her away – goodbye little Fit…you have served me well. SNIP as I turned in my license plates with the unique letters, “AQPNTR,” to the Tag and Title company; and SNIP as I walked back, a practice I will be adopting now that my wheels are my feet!
Up until today, there has always been “one year, one month, one week, 4, 3, 2, days!” until I go. Today is it. The last day here in the U.S.of A. for quite a long time….and now, it does feel different. Tomorrow, at 9 p.m. I am leaving for France…with no return ticket! Until now, I haven’t felt much of anything – just a kind of pushing ahead, taking care of each detail as it comes across my path or into my mind. I really haven’t taken in or considered what lies ahead until the last few days, with less on my “to do” list and time to just be. Now, I can see a new path unfolding and look over my shoulder at the threads that have fallen away, leaving some openings in the fabric. The fabric continues to be woven into the story of my life which is changing once again, this time with less structure and shape, with more looseness and freedom to move about. My hair is platinum, and my life is golden as I end my 70th year, so new threads of silver and gold are being woven into this beautiful and aging tapestry. A touch of sparkle and shine gives new life and possibility to the richness of my coming days.